The Real Struggle Behind “Ta Bidesh Gayera Change Vayechas!” That Nobody Tells You About!

If you are living abroad, the chances are you have heard this line a lot of times; and if you are home, you might have said this to someone who is now away from home: “Ta bidesh gayera change vayechas.” (You’ve changed after going abroad.) Alright, here’s the thing, do you really think that a person whom you have known for years or even all your life can suddenly be a whole new different person after he moves to a new place? There might be some people who actually ‘change’ for some reason but is it actually possible that every single one of them who leave home in the hope of a better future in a foreign land becomes a total stranger to the people back home once they are far? Well, I don’t think so. First things first, I have been living abroad for quite some years now and I do have heard the “change vayechas” line quite many times. But have I really changed? You decide.

For those who have never been to a foreign country; here are some things that happen to you when you are in a new place for the first time.

  • You miss home, obviously.
  • You miss your family, of course.
  • You miss your friends, you miss your pet, you miss the food you used to have, you miss the weather of back home, you miss your city, you miss your country. In short, you miss every freaking thing that you never thought had so much importance in your life.


Most of the people think that as soon as a person goes overseas, all their struggles are over; but in fact, the struggles begin right at the moment your flight takes off.

You land at the airport and wonder for a while if you did the right thing. You are confused, you are nervous and you are scared. That’s some of the very first feelings you have when you arrive in a complete new place.

If you have come to a country where the people speak English, congratulations, there’s at least something to feel relieved about. BUT if it’s not, you my dear friend, youareofficiallyfucked, at least for some months until you can speak some basic language.

Next, if you’re a student, may god bless you! Some of the most challenging years of your life are ahead of you and no, it’s not because of the studies. Get ready to wake up at 4 or if you’re lucky enough, at 5. Go to college, come back to your room, go to work (if you’ve one), go searching for work (if you don’t have one), come back to your room, open the fridge and eat the food you don’t remember when you cooked. Bingo! That’s your life, buddy! Wait, what did you say? You thought it’s going to be like what they show us in movies? Go to college in a shiny luxury car, be the coolest guy/girl, get laid, party and have a time of your life?? Are you fucking kidding me? You never told me that your father’s name is Binod Fucking Chaudhary, or did you?


That’s pretty much what it’s like to live abroad! I know right, looks a lot different on Facebook and Instagram. Haha!

Now, let’s come to the point and do some serious talk. Shall we? Good!

When a friend of yours sends you a message on Facebook and asks you, “Oye, sanchai chhas?” (Hey, how are you?) You tell some of them that you’re doing fine but after some point, it gets annoying to tell everyone that you are fine when you are actually not. You just wanna scream at them that “I am NOT fine” but you don’t do that and instead, you don’t reply to their messages. Simple! Looks like a good option to avoid hundreds of questions on why you are not good and what is going on in your life. BUT that’s when you first getting judged and people tell you, “Ta bidesh gayera change vayechas.”

A good friend of yours calls or messages you to say, “Taile ta tannai kamauchas yaar, euta iPhone pathaide na.” (You earn a lot, send me an iPhone). Actually, you do earn a lot and you can buy 2 or 3 latest iPhones with your salary of a month and you do want to send your friend a good phone. BUT who is going to pay the college fees? Who is going to pay the rent of the apartment, and so many other fucking bills you don’t even know why you need to be paying but you have to. And who is going to pay the monthly installment of the loan your parents took from the bank to send you abroad? So, you realize that you DO earn a lot of goddamn money but can’t afford to even buy yourself the latest iPhone at least two dozens of your friends and relatives are expecting from you. And that’s when people tell you, “Ta bidesh gayera change vayechas.”


You do post some pictures of yours on your social media accounts cos you got to let people know that you are still alive, right? Yeah. So you post pictures of you eating at KFC, McDonald’s, Pizza Hut and some other shitty places. And your friends back home start commenting “Sala, moj garechhas” (You have a life!) Well, who is going to tell them that these ‘famous’ restaurant chains are pretty much the only places where you can actually afford to get your tummy full for under $5.


Pida chha hajur pida! It doesn’t completely suck to be living abroad because you learn some of the best life lessons you couldn’t have learned back home. And the most important one is, the little things that we often take granted for are actually the most important things in our life. And of course, you become a lot more patriotic than you ever were back home. You always want to stay close with your nation and that’s why you start spending $15-25 for Nepali events and films that you thought were not even worth Rs. 100 when you were home. BUT when you write something patriotic or even something good about your nation, you get judged again and people tell you, “Dude, why do you need to ‘act’ like you care for the nation when you yourself have left home to serve a foreign country” and all you can do is…. shake you booty, no I mean, shake you head! SMH!

I can go on and on and on about the things that happen when you live abroad but I don’t want to because I NEED TO GO TO WORK and of course, you are fucking bored as well. So the moral of the story is, let’s not judge people. They might be going through the worst time of their life and you might have no idea about it. So please, let’s let everyone be who they are and stop complaining.

Huss ta, aaja ko bhashan yahi samapta huncha. Dhairya garera padhidinu vayeko ma dherai dhanyabaad. Tata!


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GIFs: Giphy; Cover: Healthytravel

Neeraj Pun (NEO)

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